April 28, 2020

Building Inner Confidence for Outer Success w/ Kate Crocco

Building Inner Confidence for Outer Success w/ Kate Crocco

On this episode of The Systems Made Simple™ Podcast, business systems expert Courtney Elmer chats with psychotherapist and confidence expert Kate Crocco on how to build confidence from the inside out.

Wish you knew how to build more confidence?

Today’s guest is the talented Kate Crocco, a psychotherapist, author, and confidence coach who specializes in teaching ambitious female leaders how to build confidence and navigate the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. 

She’s here today to help you learn how to achieve success faster, simply by developing the positive mindset you need to succeed.

Kate is on a mission to empower women to go after their dreams by first breaking down the walls and fears that hold them back from greatness.

She’s broken down industry barriers and shattered the walls of her comfort zone to pursue her dreams, write multiple books, and show thousands of women how to build unshakeable confidence, too.


  • The surprising truth about where confidence actually comes from

  • How to follow that voice inside of you, even when you’re afraid of what it’s saying

  • The fastest way to crush your fear of getting visible

  • The one simple mindset shift that helps you overcome the fear of rejection

  • PLUS, Kate will give you an inside peek at the traditional book publishing process, and share three steps you can take right now if you have a book you want to write.

If this episode inspires you, leave a review and share your biggest takeaway with me. And while you've got your phone out, make sure to follow me on Instagram @thecourtneyelmer for more quick tips on how to streamline your business systems and spend more time in your zone of genius.





Ready to learn how to create, launch, and leverage your message into a top-ranked podcast of your own? ENROLL NOW in our brand new short course: How to Start a Profitable Podcast and get $50 OFF right now with code SAVE50! Guaranteed to shorten the learning curve and save you hundreds of hours of headache, trial, and error.

Making Interviews Better: Guestio is the world's only marketplace to find professional guests and platforms —  CLICK HERE to let Guestio know we sent you!


Some product links on this site are affiliate links, which means we may earn a nickel or two for any affiliate purchases you make (at no additional cost to you). We only recommend products that we use and/or personally trust, so you can browse with confidence.

© Copyright 2022 | The EffortLESS Life®


Courtney Elmer 0:00  

You're listening to the Systems Made Simple™ podcast, Episode 15 which is all about self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence. And I have a really special treat for you today. And before I announce today's special guest, I want you to stop whatever you're doing right now, think about your answer to this question. What do you see yourself doing in one year? That makes you wildly happy? Think about it for a second. 

For Kate, it was to empower women to go after their dreams by helping them break down the walls and fears that have been holding them back from greatness. It was also about how to build confidence and teach self-esteem improvement.

And today, it is my honor to share her inspiring story with you. Now professionally, Kate Crocco is a psychotherapist and confidence and mindset coach who specializes in helping ambitious female leaders navigate the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. She also helps women how to build confidence and teach self-esteem improvement. Personally, she's a mom of three to humans, one fairy, a wife to a fellow entrepreneur, and an all around phenomenal woman who has broken down industry barriers and shatte the walls of her comfort zone to pursue her dreams. She's written her first book, and she has gone on to show thousands of women how to cultivate unshakable confidence too. 

Now, inside of this exclusive interview, Kate is going to show you how to do the same, because in this episode, you're going to learn the surprising truth about where confidence actually comes from, self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence. And Kate's going to teach you how to follow that voice inside of you, even when you're afraid of what it's saying. Plus, she'll show you the easiest way to crush your fear of getting visible and give you the one simple mindset shift that will turn the fear of rejection into a fierce opportunity. Plus, we're going to give you an inside look at the traditional publishing process. And Kate will give you three tips to help you get your book written, seen and noticed by agents and publishers worldwide. This conversation is pure gold and I can't wait for you to meet my friend Kate who is not only a rockstar entrepreneur, she's an all around incredible woman with a true servant's heart. She teaches self esteem improvement and how to build confidence.

So if you've been craving more confidence to get out there and do the dang thing, then this episode is for you. So get ready, because my gut says that that one year vision that you just picture is about to become your reality. Let's dive in.


Courtney Elmer
Kate, welcome to the show. I am so excited that you are here today. I am so excited to discuss self esteem improvement and how to build confidence.

Kate Crocco  5:04  
I am so pumped to be here with you. We just should share with everyone it is very early on a Saturday morning. And we're here together, I'm in my bathroom, your closet. We're hiding from kids.


Courtney Elmer  5:16  
Yes, I know, I was like I got my coffee, I have my workout clothes on, because I'm gonna go to the gym after this. And I'm super excited to dive in with you because you have such an incredible story. And I have just been able to witness your journey since the time we've known each other, which I think is what we connected on Instagram, like a year ago at this point, about a year and you have just had this exponential growth that has happened. And your business has just been a beautiful thing to witness. And I'm so excited for you to tell us your story today. So why don't we start with that? What do you do? How do you help people and tell us a little bit about what inspired you to even start your business? How do you help others with self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence?


Kate Crocco  5:56  
I am a psychotherapist. I'm also a confidence and mindset coach for female entrepreneurs. And my journey started probably about 11 years ago or so when I was in graduate school, I was going for my Master's in social work. And during that time, I realized while sitting in class one day that I had an eating disorder. And it was something I had struggled with my whole life. And I didn't realize that it was actually something that I had, I just thought maybe I had issues with the way that I looked. But it was such a blessing that I was able to identify that while I was in grad school because of course I'm like going to school to be a therapist, there's therapists all around me. And I was able to get really good help and healing during that time. 

And I went on after grad school to be an agency and hospital social worker loved the work that I was doing, but knew that there was something more. And I wasn't quite sure what it was. I never envisioned myself as being a business owner, I didn't think it was something that would be possible for me, mostly because I hadn't gone to business school. And I thought that in order to be a business owner, you needed a business degree, you needed to maybe have other people in your family who had businesses to have that experience. So I never really saw it in the cards for me. And then the other piece with that, too, is that as a hospital and agency social worker, it's really sort of drilled in you that if you want to open a private practice in the future, it's something that you do once you've paid your dues in the field. 

So once you've worked in all of these high stress environments for a very, very low pay, and when you're sort of burned out, and you just can't handle it anymore, probably around the age of like 50 or 60, you leave your job and you open a private practice. And I knew that that was not something that I really wanted for my life. But again, I couldn't envision myself as a business owner. But I thought, like there were a bunch of different things that sort of happened in my life and things were starting to unravel. And I was feeling really stuck in my job. So I just started to do some research. And little by little started putting all these pieces together from listening to free podcasts, reading different blog articles, all of that stuff, I started putting these pieces together and realizing maybe this is not as hard as I thought it had to be. I learned how to build confidence and work on my self-esteem improvement.

I had a website created. I had all of my forms created for my clients for things like intakes and sessions and all of that. And I decided, you know what, let me just make this thing live. Let me see if anyone even comes my way. And I doubted anyone would I thought it maybe would be just like the secret or this like little hobby eventually. And lo and behold, people actually started calling me. And I had a little office space that I would sublet on Saturdays. And within a few months, I actually was able to match my week long salary. So what I was making at my nine to five in one week, is what I was making every Saturday at my therapy practice. And again, at that time, I did not really consider myself a business owner. I thought it was like this little hobby on the side that no one knew about. I really needed help with self esteem improvement and how to build confidence.

I was afraid to tell my boss free to tell other people. But I knew that there was something bigger for my life because of what I had gone through in my past being able to overcome that. I knew that I wanted to do something more, eventually left my nine to five and started having people ask, Hey, how did you start your business that early? How did you leave the agency job again, we're conditioned to think we have to stay here forever? So how did you do this? What were the steps that you took? How can I do the same? How can I work on self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence?

And I started to coach people. And I didn't know it was called coaching at that time, but just started to do it. And then someone said, maybe you should start charging for this, because you're giving a lot away, you're giving a lot of time away, started charging. And this became a little consulting business, my second business. And with that, I started having other business owners come to me, photographers, lawyers, local shop owners, just saying, hey, how do you find the strength to keep on going when things feel really hard, when you don't know what next steps to take when you have to send set boundaries with clients. 

So that just sort of morphed into the mindset and confidence coaching that I do today. And it was really special for me, because I feel like having that avenue to do coaching, I was also able to share my story.  When I was a therapist, sharing my story of overcoming an eating disorder was not something that I could do with my clients, it was just a boundary that I really had to set. So this felt so freeing when I was able to come out as a coach, and to start sharing more of my journey and what I had gone through and what it really led me to where I was. So yeah, that's sort of the long story of how I got to where I am today. This was the key on how to build confidence and work on our self-esteem improvement.


Courtney Elmer  11:23  
That's amazing. There's so much and I'm over here jotting things down questions I want to ask you, because there's so much here that is just so incredible. First, the fact that you overcame that eating disorder. And I relate to that. And I don't know if our listeners know this, because this is not a part of my story that I share. Because it's not that I don't share it. It's just that I don't share it often. But it was really kind of the very, very first piece of my journey, and it manifested in college and something I worked through and healed as well. And so I just know, on such a deep level, what tremendous courage that takes. And I just want to acknowledge you for that. Because that's incredible. And I'm so glad that you're healthy now. And then you're thriving today. I mean, wow. So just how to take a moment to honor that. And also because I feel like our businesses are meant to heal us in some way. And so what you just said at the end about how you know, it felt so freeing to come out as a coach. And it's like, Yes, because I think our stories are really pivotal to what we do and what we're meant to do in the world. And for those listening that are maybe afraid to follow that voice inside of them. It's never going to go away until you follow it. You know, it's there for a reason. And you follow that? And look at what has happened for you today. So how long has it been since you've had your coaching business? What did you learn about how to build confidence and teach self-esteem improvement? 


Kate Crocco  12:44  
I launched the coaching business about four years ago. I help clients with self esteem improve and how to build confidence. And that was a little bit of a journey, you know, I had people coming to me, and I just sort of assumed that making it official, it would sort of blow up pretty fast, like my therapy practice had. And it actually took a long time. And in hindsight, like looking back, it was about three months before it really started to pick up and you and I looking at three months were like, Oh, that's no big deal. Like that's nothing. That's not a long time at all. But back then I remember just really struggling myself and feeling like, maybe I'm not capable of doing this. Maybe people really don't want the service, maybe they only want it for me because I'm giving it away for free. So it took a lot of practice, and just really growing my own confidence to realize that this is something that people also want to pay for and not just get for free. And once I was able to really sort of overcome that that's when clients started to come in. And yeah, that's been a big evolution. As you know, as a coach, things never stay the same, like your coaching practice that you've started with is different than it is today. And maybe your message is the same. Like my message has not changed, the content I put out there has not changed, but the evolution of the structure of it and how I serve my clients, that changes with the seasons. So being a mom or having sickness in a family or just wanting to take more time to sit back and maybe just relax and enjoy life or write a book like all of that shifts your business.


Courtney Elmer  14:20  
Yes. So do you feel like at the beginning, you experienced a lot of the same issues or problems that your clients now come to you for help with--self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence.


Kate Crocco  14:29  
100% I think the biggest one that I struggled with, which most of my clients struggle with is the fear of getting visible because as a therapist, it was rather simple in a way to get clients because you put yourself on sort of like these listservs like Psychology Today, and everyone just goes to psychology today to find a therapist. There's not really any like googling or looking up websites, you really don't need a website and as a therapist, I was in a pool of people who were all local around me. 

So it was a pretty small pool for people to choose from. But then coming into the online space as a coach, you're surrounded by people from all around the world. So I felt like a small fish and a huge pond. And again, like it took a little while, I think it was really more about me just growing my confidence. But I think, again, that fear of actually getting out there and like putting myself out there in a different type of way than I had as a therapist. Because as a therapist, again, you just put your name on this listserv, and everyone sees you. But as a coach, you've got to do all of these different things, you need a social media account, you have to engage in these different link communities, you have to really build relationships and get to know other people and collaborate. And that felt really scary. That prevented self esteem improvement and how to build confidence.

Also, as a therapist, I was really able to sort of hide behind my story, and not share what was going on on self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence. And I realized as a coach, like, that's just not going to work. Like people want to work with you because they want maybe they're at where you were just a couple years ago, or even just six months ago. So they want to know what's going on, they want to be able to connect with you and see your face and hear your voice. And feel like maybe you're almost like a friend to them, you're someone that they're comfortable with. So that was really hard for me to step out of that place, and start getting comfortable being visible. And I love teaching on visibility now because again, like healing from an eating disorder, overcoming that fear of being visible. If I can do it, I feel like anyone else can do it. I'm not special or gifted or anything. And I mean, my fear was so intense. And if I could get through it, so could you. That's awesome. It’s all about self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence.


Courtney Elmer  16:54  
I love that. And I know for many listeners, I mean, I struggle with this, too. On some level, I think we all struggle with a fear of being seen, and shows up in so many different ways. And it's almost as unique. You know, the way it manifests as it is, is how many people there are in the world. I mean, we're all so unique, and it shows up differently for all of us. But what were some of those steps that you took and what would you say to someone who's listening right now that might be struggling with this exact fear, and they're listening. They're like, Oh, my gosh, Kate, like, please help me because I struggle with that. I need help with self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence. And I know, that's what I need to grow my business, but I'm not sure what steps I need to take.


Kate Crocco  17:31  
Yeah, so I think with visibility with really any type of fear in life, my motto is consistency builds your confidence. Focus on self-esteem improvement. So it's doing whatever that thing is that you're afraid of over and over and over again. And in something that we teach in the therapy world, there's something called systematic desensitization. And I don't know if you're familiar with this, or Yeah. 


Courtney Elmer  17:54  
Yes, yeah, it's awesome. So tell us about what that is. 


Kate Crocco  17:56  
Yeah. So I remember thinking back, like I had one client who had this fear of elevators. And our first session together, we talked about the E word like her just saying the word elevator was so scary and anxiety producing for her. So we got comfortable with just saying that word at first. And then the next session, or maybe the third session, we started looking at pictures of them. And then after that week, when she got comfortable with that, we started looking at videos. And then we started doing visualization exercises and talking about, alright, what's it like to actually ride on an elevator. And then I had her go and practice at the mall with her mom, this is a teenager, and go on the elevator with her mom. And then by the end, she actually was able to go to Niagara Falls, and ride on. I think it's like the world's biggest elevator. It's something crazy like that. She was fine, like her fear of elevators was gone. I had helped with self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence. 

So I think it's using that as an example of what is that really small thing that you can start with today. So maybe it's literally like just taking your phone and recording yourself. Maybe it's just recording your voice like talking like, start with something really easy. Teach on your phone, like how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich something as basic as that. And then once you get comfortable hearing your voice, then maybe look at yourself and record a video of how to create a peanut butter jelly sandwich. Then it's maybe practicing in a community that you're in, like maybe you're in a group coaching program, and there's a private Facebook community and you can go live in that group or maybe you can get one of your accountability buddies on a zoom call with you and you can talk through it on that zoom call. And little by little you will begin to grow your confidence, focus on self-esteem improvement, and it's not going to feel scary anymore. 

And I think I just want to say this because our fears like you're going to get through this when You get to that next level, there will always be another one that's going to come up. And just reminding yourself using your past experience as evidence that you can work through this. So when I think of myself, I'm absolutely terrified to get on a big stage and speak to, let's say, hundreds of people or thousands of people, but I know it's something that I want to do. So when I start to work towards that goal, by doing like little groups, or little speaking engagements, I remind myself of my past fears, and how now today, they feel like no big deal to me. But at that moment, it felt like I was gonna pass out and throw up all over myself. I wanted to die in the moment because it felt so scary. I need help with self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence.


Courtney Elmer  20:46  
. The way fear works is so fascinating to me. And I've studied a lot about this. And it's just really interesting, both on a psychological level, and also just how it shows up and how it prevents us from taking action. And I think one of the biggest things is that, that fear, that feeling of fear, no matter what it's coming from, on whatever unconscious level, it activates that fight or flight, and so our body is going to respond to it the same way, whether we're thinking about it, whether we're actually doing it, you know, someone could be actually standing on the stage doing the thing they're afraid of doing and feel, you know, sweaty palms, and like they're going to pass out, or they might be thinking about it, and just that mental image in their mind, can also, you know, start those same feelings of anxiety and panic in their body. 

And so what you're describing with this process, and just slowly, you know, desensitizing, but also familiarizing yourself with it by taking these baby consistent steps with that consistency really being the key gives you almost a safety bubble to operate within, as you overcome that fear. And so I just love this process, because I feel like that at the core of it is what we all desire that safety. And that doing it this way really allows your mind at ease to know that I'm safe. I'm safe. It's okay. I'm safe. Would you agree with that? I mean, that's what I'm, you know, as you were talking, that's just what's coming to my mind. And I'm like, Wow, that's awesome, because that is what we truly need. Totally. 

Kate Crocco 21:24
I love that I'm safe piece. Because we know that going on the stage like, we're going to be okay. We're not going to die. Man. I think it's like, what's the worst case scenario? I think that's another question to ask ourselves. Okay, go on stage and you face your fear, maybe you'll pass out. But I highly doubt that would actually happen, right? Maybe you'll stumble on your words, but you're going to be okay. And you're going to feel better after because you took that step. It will also help with self-esteem improvement or you will know how to build confidence.


Courtney Elmer  22:47  
Exactly. And to picture yourself walking off the stage doing the thing you were afraid of doing. And noticing how you feel in that moment, and then just start manifesting and cultivating that feeling. Now, you know, if it's walking off the stage, and you feel so confident or feel so proud of yourself, Well, what would it look like walking onto the stage feeling confident and proud of yourself? And what are the steps you need to take to feel that way? To get to that point so that you know, it just creates a different level of being? It helps with self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence.


Kate Crocco  23:17  
Hmm I love that I'm going to actually take that piece of advice and start to envision myself confidently walking up there, like being so excited that I want to run onto the stage. It will help with self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence.


Courtney Elmer  23:27  
Yes, I tell my clients this and my students and I practice this on a daily basis, let me tell you, because there are things that come up in my own life, that I'm like, okay, I don't know, the things that you find yourself hesitating on or procrastinating on is always a really good way to indicate like, maybe there's a fear at play. This hinders self esteem improvement and how to build confidence. I don't know if you relate to that. I definitely feel that way. And I just like to picture myself after like, so if it's asking a tough question, asking for the sale, whatever it might be, how do I feel after that? And how can I start cultivating those feelings now. And it's just a simple like reminder that helps me to just step into that level of being to actually make that thing happen. 

So okay, I want you to take us through. So you started your business in the coaching world about four years ago, and it's grown and grown and grown and grown. And now this past year, it's like, I don't know, someone poured rocket fuel, what you're doing, because it's like you're just taking off and it's, like I said at the beginning, it's a beautiful thing to witness. And it's such an inspiration sitting here, you know, as a fellow entrepreneur, to see that that consistency over time, is really how we reap that reward. So can you take us through this past year and tell us about what you've been focused on this past year? And what you have coming out in the year ahead? Because I'm so excited for this and I can only imagine how big of an accomplishment This must feel for you. 


Kate Crocco  24:43  
Thank you so much. You know, it's this type of conversation that is so needed and I just want to encourage everyone out there, have an accountability buddy and have friends in the business world because sometimes you need that mirror you need someone to show to you need someone to tell you what's really going on. Because when you're in and all the time, it doesn't always feel that way. And I'm like, Oh, this year feels almost like a setback in many ways. And what you're saying is like, you're actually showing me the evidence and the picture of what's going on. But we get so stuck in our heads at times. So I'll share what actually is going on. 

And I will celebrate that a little bit more. This year, I completed my manuscript for my first book.  It was a great exercise in self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence. And this is the first of two books that I'm going to be publishing the bigger books. And yeah, I'm in full on launch mode right now. It's funny, because about 15 months ago, like this was still a dream for me. Like it hadn't even come to fruition yet. I hadn't signed my book contract yet. I hadn't had my second baby yet. So yeah, this is a really good reflection. Over the past year, I've had another baby, I completed my manuscript, it's actually a real book now in hand ready to be sent out. It was launched on February 18.

Courtney Elmer  26:09  
That is so exciting. And so your kids, what ages are they right now?


Kate Crocco  26:14  
They are 13 months, and two and a half.


Courtney Elmer  26:19  
Wow. And so you've done all of this over these past 15 months. So from zero to a physical copy of a book that people can actually hold in their hands and read as soon as it launches. And with two little ones at home. And your husband started a business of his own at this during this year, too, right?

It's such an inspiration because that's the excuse that so many people make, right? I don't have the time or I don't have, you know, I'm too busy, or I have little kids or whatever excuses we come up with to justify the lack of results we have. This mindset hinders self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence.


Kate Crocco  26:57  
I always said that. If I had kids, someday, I will never use them as an excuse for something getting in the way of my dreams. I think that for many women, it's easy to say like, I can't do that because I have kids, or I can't be that because I have kids and use that as fuel to go and to find your passion and to do the thing you want to do. And I think that also like as a mother, we learn to set even better boundaries because we have less time for sure. Then before being a mom like a lot less time. But I am so good at boundaries now and say no, a lot more often than I say yes. We're before I was way more of a yes, personally. Ooh, shiny object. That sounds like fun. Sure, sign me up. Yeah, I'll do that. And now it's just about intentionality. And that's what you teach. And you're so gifted at teaching that yes, you can do everything. But there is going to be some sacrifice, like some things you are going to have to say no to. And that's, it's really about signing those things that are a little less than ideal and saying no to those to allow space for the things that you really want to say yes to. Saying no is a great exercise in self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence.


Courtney Elmer  28:10  
Absolutely. And making sure that the things you're saying yes to are things you actually want to be saying yes to. Because so many of us and I struggled with this for years, it was the opposite, I would say yes to all the things that I didn't truly want to say yes to because I was under this illusion that they would help me to grow my business or whatever the shiny object was that I was chasing. But I was saying no to the things that really mattered, you know, time spent taking care of myself time spent with my family. And in saying no to those things. It didn't bring me any closer to the lifestyle that I really wanted to have. And I was always complaining about how I never had time to take care of myself and never have time to spend with my family. And so we've got to just make sure you said it so well, that what we're saying yes to and being intentional with where we're spending our time and energy are things that actually are going to move the needle. Yes, yeah. Well, what I love about what you are sharing here, Kate is that you're walking your talk. 

And this whole idea of consistency, building confidence, and even just these past 15 months with your little ones at home and your husband starting his own venture and all of these changes that have happened in your life and you having to really be intentional and focus on this book on your proposal and your manuscript, and then all the editing and all the things that I'm sure have gone into creating this finished product, you've remained consistent. And I want to honor that too. Because that is it's just incredible. And look at what you've done. I mean, really looking back at feels in the moment, so insignificant. And we can look back over the past six months or one year and feel like maybe we haven't really been doing all the things we wanted to do. But then when we do pause and look back and see how far we've come, it's kind of cool to recognize what we have been able to do and to really celebrate that. So much. So can you take us through? Because I'm just also curious for your book writing process, and what that looked like. I'm on a similar journey myself, I'm kind of in the beginning stages of all of that. We've talked a lot about that. And I'm sure some people listening might have a book inside of them, too, that that's a dream of theirs one day, they want to bring this to life. What was that process? like for you? Where did you start? What’s the key to self-esteem improvement? What’s the best way on how to build confidence?


Kate Crocco  30:21  
Yeah, with this whole book writing process, I think my number one tip to get started is to find a mentor, find someone who has already done it. Do some self-esteem improvement exercises to learn how to build confidence. And maybe it's, maybe it's not someone that you're going to actually have a conversation with. But maybe it's like an author out there who has shared their journey. So do a lot of research and see if you can find podcast interviews or blog articles on how people have actually published books. So for me, it started with someone that I had followed on YouTube and Instagram, who had actually published a cookbook. And she put this email out, I was under the email list and said, Hey, I feel really called to work with about a dozen women to help you through this proposal process. 

And if you have a book on your heart, reply, and tell me if you want the support, and we will get you set up for this program. So again, like the temperature like the climate at the time was not perfect, it was not ideal, I had a six month old baby home with me who is not taking a bottle and not sleeping, not napping. But I knew that this dream was on my heart. So I got started. And I think that's the number one thing that really holds people back because I think that almost every single woman has a book in her and wants to share their story. They need help with self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence. But I think that it's always about it's not the right time, or I'm just not ready yet I have too much going on. But when you feel in your heart that maybe it is that time to get started, just get started and see where it takes you. So even before I signed up for this program, I had started just taking notes and just writing down different thoughts and stories that came to mind that maybe would go in my book someday. 

So I worked through this program, learned how to build a proposal, which I know you have, and you've done all of that. And you're through that now, which is a lot of work. But again, all good things sometimes take some hard work. So I got through that proposal. And then what I started doing to find a literary agent was I went to Barnes and Noble. And I can still remember I have pictures saved in my phone of the backs of books that I really resonated with. So maybe there were some sort of memoirs that I really enjoyed, or some sort of help self help books that I really enjoyed. I'd go to the back and go to the acknowledgement section. And take a picture because often the author will think of their literary agent, they'll think of their publisher, and that's what I did, I had the picture of the literary agents and I started Googling to find email addresses, started to send proposals out. And had a lot of rejections. I had three rejections but I learned self-esteem improvement or how to build confidence exercises.

And I think what really helped me refine my proposal was asking those people like, what was it that you didn't like? Or what do you think I need to do in order to make this a stronger proposal, and many of them gave really good feedback that I was able to take and craft a new proposal. And I actually had another coach, who helped me go through more of an editing process with that proposal, and then started to pitch it to other agents and had maybe like two more rejections, but then had an agent who, instantly I knew she was the one for me. And I'm just so grateful, because she's been wonderful and has just really been there to help me on this journey. So signed with the agency, it was probably met at the end of May of 2018. We did a little bit of an editing process back and forth, or found a few chapters and started pitching the book early August. And by the end of August, I think I had two offers already. In the next month or so I had a third offer. And then there was negotiation. And then I decided to go with this one publisher Baker books, which is incredible. 

I love Baker books so much. I actually got a two book deal from them. So I'm writing a second book now also. And yeah, we signed my whole goal and I'll just say if you have a dream and a goal and even if it sounds so crazy, like there's no way possible that this could happen, or I mean, I think my husband thought I was delusional at times because I signed the agent. end of May. We started refining the process, you know in June I said to him before I push this baby out in November, I want to have a signed contract for a book deal. He's like, okay, that's great. Yeah, that's wonderful, honey. Sure, hopefully that works for you. Like, I don't think anyone really believed in it as much as I did. And I kept saying out loud and kept telling people, I'm going to have a book deal. Before this baby comes out, I feel it, I know it. 

So your dream is never too big. Like, just say it out loud. Start embarrassing yourself. Focus on self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence. That's always a step that I do. Like, it's gonna feel really weird at first and uncomfortable. But when you can embarrass yourself, it takes that level of sort of fear off of the top. And then every time you say it after it makes it a little easier. So yeah, lo and behold, October of 2018, I signed my book contract. In literally, my first advance for the book came, it actually arrived at our house, the day after I came home with our second baby, like goosebumps, wow, yeah.


Courtney Elmer  36:11  
And even that process that you described, at the very end, just say it out loud. And just get used to saying it is this is exactly what you described before, to just like, get used to the idea of this coming out, you know, maybe you write it out at first, and then maybe you start saying it in the mirror, and then maybe start saying it to other people, and just, it becomes part of you. And that's how we attract these things into our life. And this is what happened for you. 

It's so cool to hear this. And also, as you described all of this, what I just kept hearing was one step, then the next step, then the next step, like at the beginning, I imagine, I mean, maybe it was different, but I imagine that you didn't have all those steps lined out, you didn't know what all those steps were even going to be. But because you started taking those steps, the next step would show up at the right time and the next step, and you could take that step and that step. And of course, having those mentors to guide you on the way which I'm such a huge believer, and we all need that someone who's walked that road, and who can show you and I love how you took those rejections as a learning opportunity. You didn't let it stop you, you didn't let it say anything about you, right? Like, oh, my book is terrible. And I guess it's not gonna happen. And my dream is just, you know, it's never gonna come true. No, you took that as an opportunity to grow. And those are the questions we need to be asking ourselves, how can I grow? Where can I improve? What steps can I take, you know, to really make this happen. And I just, I'm so excited for you, I cannot wait to get my hands on a copy of your book and read it. I know, it's gonna be so impactful for so many women. And I could literally talk about this with you all day. 

I'm enjoying this conversation so much on self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence. So as we wind down, I always ask this question to every guest that comes on the show, because I think it's really important to notice how different the answers actually can be. And so Kate, what would you say your definition of success is?


Kate Crocco  37:58  
Yeah, so my definition of success is where we are sitting right now. And that's hard for some people to take in. They're like, no, but I'm not successful. yet. I had this conversation with a new client a couple days ago. And I'm like, no successes where you're sitting today. I want you to take a moment. Think back to your past self 10 years ago, five years ago, what would she say? If she saw you gave her a crystal ball, showed her where you are right now? What would she say? She's like, Oh, my God, I was an addict. I was in this really horrible place in my life. And she actually would have laughed, if she saw where I was today, because she would not have believed it would have been possible for her. And I was like, goosebumps, this is why I do what I do. So beautiful. Is that so good?


Courtney Elmer  38:51  
Wow, I have goosebumps. Too often, we don't look back to celebrate our own journey. We really underestimate what truly can happen for us in a span of time, three months, six months, you know, a year, whatever that might be. And you're living proof of that with your book and everything coming out and I just can't wait for all of our listeners to connect with you. So where can they find you?


Kate Crocco  39:53
Thank you. So my favorite place to hang out is Instagram. Just my name @katecrocco. I also have a podcast Thinking Like a Boss, where things are going to be shifting for 2020. And you'll see what's going to be happening there. And then my website is key koco.com. I talk about self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence.


Courtney Elmer  41:01  
That does it for today. My hope is that you enjoyed this episode as much as I enjoyed collaborating with Kate to record it for you. And if you want to learn more about Kate, make sure you check out the show notes, or we've got links to everywhere you can connect with her online. 

Thank you guys so much for tuning in to listen to self-esteem improvement and how to build confidence. We'll see you here next time on the Systems Made Simple™ podcast, until then go live your EffortLESS Life®.