On this episode of The Systems Made Simple™ Podcast, business systems expert Courtney Elmer again talks with celeb entrepreneur James Wedmore about shifting self limiting beliefs.
Our goal inside this special two-part episode series is to help you take a look under the hood at these subtle, sneaky things called limiting beliefs which are always at play in your life — whether or not you realize it — to help you understand that achieving success is not about the number of hours you put in, it’s about the beliefs under the surface that are either helping you grow, or holding you back.
WHEN YOU FINISH LISTENING TO TODAY’S EPISODE, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
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Courtney Elmer 0:00
Welcome to the Systems Made Simple™ podcast, Episode 19 with James Wedmore. This is a continuation of last week’s episode on self limiting beliefs. If you're one of our loyal listeners, then you heard James Wedmore open up an incredible conversation on these things called self limiting beliefs, we shared the truth about what they are, how we create them, and how they can either help or hurt your growth.
Now, if you're just joining us this week, welcome. And you don't happen to already know about James Wedmore. Let me give you a quick introduction.
James Wedmore helps coaches, experts, content creators and authors not only craft better marketing messages, but also shows them how to ditch the hustle mentality, and how to create success from the inside out. So hopefully, you should automatically see why James Wedmore and I align.
Last week I told the story of how our paths originally crossed. And it's a pretty cool and crazy story. So if you haven't listened to Episode 18, yet I highly recommend you go do so. In that episode, we lay the groundwork for what we're going to cover here today.
Now we've created these episodes to help you take a look under the surface at these very sneaky little things we call beliefs, which are always at play in your life, whether you realize it or not and cause limiting beliefs. And they're the number one reason that so many entrepreneurs work themselves into the ground and burn out because it's not about the number of hours you're putting in or how many things you have on your to do list. It's about these beliefs under the surface that either empower you to move forward, or hold you back.
James Wedmore gives you some major insight and walks you through how we create these limiting beliefs, why we have them, and what to do to shift any of the ones that might be limiting you.
Our goal is really just to help you gain a better understanding and get a sense for what they are and why they matter so much, then to learn how to align them to get the outcome that you want, because that's where things start to become effortless.
You know me, I am all about giving you the mindset and the strategy. So you can actually take these big intangible concepts and know exactly what steps to take them and make them concrete and apply them to your life. Last week, we dove into the mindset. And this week, it's all about the strategy.
Inside of this episode, today, you're going to learn how to begin noticing those beliefs in your life that might be holding you back, you'll learn how to figure out what actions to take to start getting more of the results that you desire. We're going to talk about the underrated power of your emotions, and James is going to tell you the biggest sin in marketing, you definitely going to want to hear that one because he drops a bomb on you in the best way.
Also, James Wedmore is going to give you his secret belief for his mastermind students and how to get over the fear of what other people think of you. And then finally, we're going to take an inside look at James's personal definition of success, which is pretty radical and looks at limiting beliefs. So without further ado, let's drop right back into this conversation with the one the only James Wedmore.
James Wedmore 7:17
The simple thing here is for us to begin to notice, where there is a bumpiness struggle like that feeling of I'm jamming the square peg in the round hole over and over again, it's not budging, it's not working. And these are the areas where we may find limiting beliefs that are not in alignment with or correlated with the actions that are required to get us the results that we desire. That's when we stop. We have to just look at it. And everyone can begin to be their own Sherlock Holmes and investigate and get curious by analyzing, putting on the chopping block those thoughts that we think all day long, that we begin to just not pay attention to, we begin to experience them as this is just the way it is. These cause limiting beliefs.
Yeah, of course, you have to work hard and struggle to sacrifice in order to be successful. I mean, we hear these things. And we take them as truths. I remember being at a gym at a hotel, and it said nothing worth accomplishing. It's like nothing, nothing worth achieving comes easy. What? What are you talking about? I'm not saying that people have accomplished great things. And they worked hard. But you're telling me no. There's never ever been a time on the planet where a single person accomplished something great. And it was also easy, really. And we just start to buy into that as truth. And we don't even question anything. And if there's anything people should be taken away from anything I have to say is that we should be questioning everything. Question What I'm saying question what you've been told your whole life and definitely question just every thought and belief we have not not to the point of going crazy, but analyzing it and challenging that. And you know, that's what I began to do. I found out a lot of what I was believing, I don't believe anymore. A lot of ways, I just found out that a lot of what I was thinking was nothing more than beliefs. I think I think everything is a belief. And that really starts to get really trippy. But anyways.
Courtney Elmer 9:23
This question has two parts of first, how do you start to notice those limiting beliefs because for those listening on imagine they're like, Okay, well, James Wedmore said, it's kind of stuff that I'm not going to notice right away, like, how can I clue myself into this? So that's the first part of that. And then second, once you identify those limiting beliefs, how do you begin to align that with the outcome that you want?
James Wedmore 9:47
Okay, fantastic question. I've got a really simple answer. Do we get to go get like real woo on this with overcoming self limiting beliefs?
Courtney Elmer 9:53
Sure. Go for it, James Wedmore. Tell us about your thoughts on overcoming self limiting beliefs?
James Wedmore 9:54
Okay. This is what works for me. The simple answer is how I feel When I'm negative, and anyone can choose to just, I don't believe this, that's fine, because everything's a belief, but it just continues to work for me, year after year after year. So if there's something I'm dealing with, and it becomes what people would call a problem, or struggle, like something in an area of life, or business is not going well, the first thing I do, is I notice how I feel, if it's any negative emotion. And then what that tells me is I am operating from a belief that is not true. I'm operating from a belief that is a lie. I do this as an exercise with clients and students.
And they first think I'm just freaking nuts and crazy until you try this out. But anytime that you find yourself in a negative state with limiting beliefs, and you say, what is the thought or belief that is causing me to feel this way, you will have an answer. And it's always a lie. I just, I just feel like I'm not good enough. Well, there you go. There's your lie. Right? I feel like there's just too much competition, and there's not enough room for me. How does that feel? It feels like crap. Well, there you go. There's your frickin lie. And so it's a simple process. Again, most people won't do it, most people won't continue to do it. And that's what I do. And then as soon as I go, Well, great. Now I know what the lie is, where's the truth. And, you know, you found the truth, by the way, how it feels. And I will sift and sift and sift and search and search and search until I find the belief or the truth that has me feeling good, positive, you know, higher, emotional state.
And that's when I know and that's what guides me. Because this is weird and stuff. But we didn't grow up in public school, having at least at my school, having any teacher explain to me what emotions are unless I just was sick that day, no one told me what emotions were. And today, from everything that I've learned, discovered and played out in my life, what I've discovered, is that my emotions are basically my, my, my own GPS, with positive being my true north, my truth north. And when I'm when I'm not there, it means I'm operating from something that isn't true. And that just becomes my job is and as a dude, that's a that's a big thing, right? It's like, I'm basically saying, pay attention to the way you feel. And notice what thoughts and beliefs are preceding that.
And the dance that those two are in, right. And, and be willing to let go. It's not always instant, it's not always easy, but to let go that which is not true. And to look for the truth. Look, what is true for you. And when it feels good, great. Go with that. And if it feels good, it means it's true. And then, you know, for anybody from a spiritual context, we can say that that's your higher self. That's God. That's the universe. And that's how it's communicating with you. That's the language of the universe telling you, here's what's true, when you're ready to hear it. And it's there waiting for you at all times.
And if any of this sounds completely, like out there crazy, weird or whatever, you just try it on. You say what's something in your life that you've been in a negative emotion about? Okay, this thing? What's the negative emotion? Just feel angry? Great. What? What thought or belief? Have you been telling yourself or saying or thinking about that would have you feel that? It's just like that this person is blah, blah, blah. Is that great? So there's your line, what's the truth? And it's really simple process. Most people won't do it. But that's what that's what I've done for years. And it just keeps guiding me back to what is true for me, and puts me back into that positive state. So it works. It works for me.
Courtney Elmer 13:51
Yes, oh, it makes total sense. And that's exactly what I had hoped that you would speak to is this a whole idea of our emotions, and how really, we're emotional beings, but like you said, we're not taught this kind of stuff. Most of us even in the real world, after we graduate from, you know, traditional types of education.
We're still not taught this stuff, it's still not something that's just common knowledge is said we're taught to go go go and doo doo doo and, you know, this whole, the whole all the concepts like you know, pain is normal, stress is normal, feeling overworked and overwhelmed and working yourself to death, that's normal.
That's just what it takes. And when really, if that does not feel in alignment with where you know you want to be, or who you want to be. There's something that there's an in congruence See there. It's really when we're bumping up against our limitations, but we don't recognize it necessarily, unless we're, you know, quite say post listening to this episode. Now, you're aware now, you know, so now you can start to pay attention, right, that awareness is really the key.
James Wedmore 14:55
Now, when people hear all this, this I think is a very important piece to include. Because our ego can hear this and use it as a scapegoat, we can use it to get us off the hook. Because the truth is, anything that you want in your life that you don't have now is going to call you to do something outside your comfort zone. And right at the edge of your comfort zone, you're going to feel it. Because you're going to start to feel that fear. And what people are doing is they're mistakenly attributing that fear, once they hear this kind of conversation, to the goal that they want and saying, oh, that thing doesn't align with me. So I'm not going to go for it. No, that's the thing you want it all along, it's there for you. What the fear is coming from and needs to be attributed to is some limiting beliefs about what would happen if you fail? Or what would happen if it didn't go perfectly, or what it's going to take or whatever. And so people are misappropriating that emotion and attributing it to the thing that they actually want. Not the limiting beliefs behind it.
Does that make sense? Yes. And I've seen this countless, countless times, like in business, somebody, you know, saying like, you know, I was going to do a webinar, but it just, it just feels out of alignment. For me, some I'm not going to, and I still need to work on my stuff. And it's such a sneaky thing that they're trying to do. It's like, yeah, the reason it feels out of alignment for you is that it scares the pants off of you. And, but, but putting your message in front of more people and making an offer, is what you want it. And this is the way to do that. And it's gonna be scary until you do it. So you can keep saying it's out of alignment or doesn't feel right or whatever. But not doing it isn't gonna make all the results happen in your life. And so I think that's just such an important piece for me that we see all the time. That a lot of that out of alignment thing is not what you're going for, but what you are afraid is going to happen when you do.
Courtney Elmer 17:12
I'm really glad you brought that up. Because that is huge. Like you said, it becomes this, it becomes our way out of doing the thing we really want to do because of the fear that's at play in the limiting beliefs that's under the surface of that fear. So when we can get present to that, and tune into that, and just acknowledge it, be willing to go there and just honor it and acknowledge Okay, I feel this way. So what is this telling me? What is this teaching me? What is lesson is here for me and really kind of taking that approach? So yeah, I'm really glad that you said that, because that's huge.
James Wedmore 17:41
And so I have a, I have a mastermind, it's we're in our fifth year. And, you know, the people that come in there are already, you know, like three to 500,000 a year, and they're going to scale to a million and beyond. And they're like really amazing people. And I have this secret belief that I'm like, is always my goal of like, what I want to plant in them by the end of the year. But I never want to rob somebody of a lesson.
You know, it's like, you don't want to tell anyone the end of the movie before it's the end of the movie. Like a sixth sense type ending, but I'll just give you guys the ending where I where I would want any entrepreneur to be. And I'll say it without cussing, but it's to just not give an F about anything. And it becomes very abrasive for people and, and like people then put a meaning on that like just don't, you would be 1000 times more successful as you define it put in air quotes. And if you just didn't give an F about so many things that you give an F about. And people tend to then put meaning on that that means like treat people poorly or be disrespectful or rude or jerky and stuff.
And like No, that's not what it means. It really means stop giving so much significance to so much stop putting so much meaning on so much. If you didn't give an F about what people thought about you, if you didn't give an F if you made a mistake, or if you look stupid, I look stupid all the time. You know, if you just didn't actually didn't give an F about those things, you would be what we're talking about free, free from Sony those beliefs free to perform at much higher levels.
And again, it's one of those things, it's just like bring it full circle is. It's so simple. But it can be one of the hardest things that we ever do. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and everyone here would just choose not not to. How do you do that? How do you do that one one way that's always helped me is I think when you dive deeper into what you do give an F about so what is it that you do give an F about and that's digging you deeper into a y into a purpose into at your core, what are you here to do?
And these are very deep introspective questions that as entrepreneurs, we should always be asking, because when times get tough when you lock on to, what am I here to do? What is my function? Why do I exist? Why am I doing this? For what purpose? It's going to get you out of those deepest, lowest slumps, right? Because that has you look within. And when I make those things more important, like, well, the way we this is like, we know, we're changing lives, we know we're helping a lot of people. And we've seen it, we've seen it firsthand like we've taken people off of food stamps. And that's a difference that we can all make in someone's lives. And when every morning when I wake up, and I do my morning routine, and I drive to the office, and I open up that laptop, that's what's at stake for me just like is this for everyone listening, that's what's at stake for me, either helping somebody or worrying about someone's opinion of me.
Every time I choose to care what someone thinks about me, I am denying that person out there that is looking for help. I'm denying them that help. Even if it's just one person listening on a podcast, that happens to hear something I say, if I said I'm afraid of what someone on on Courtney's podcast will think I'm going to decline the episode, or I'm not going to say what I really want to say, then what I'm really doing is denying that person now. And that's what's at stake for all of us. When you get that, and it's not just a concept, but it's the way you live your life, I believe you'll be living your life in a much bigger way, from a much more place of being unstoppable. And it will be much more fulfilling and enriching for you, you'll be much happier. And that's what I found.
Courtney Elmer 22:11
Okay, so I want to know, then, what would you say, if there was any one belief or limiting beliefs that you had to let go of, in order to get to this place where you are sitting here with me having this conversation today? What would that be James Wedmore?
James Wedmore 22:41
So the big one, and I kind of spoke to it, were limiting beliefs around whether I need to be liked. It was a limiting belief of, if they don't like me, then I won't, my business won't grow. The limiting belief is, if people don't like me, then my business will grow, won't won't grow or will struggle. You know, though, that was the biggest one, people have no idea how much that is affecting your performance.
And next time, you're about to go post something on Instagram, notice how many times you waver over the publish button? Because you're triple checking it through that filter of Do you think like this, although they said, someone gonna disagree with this, oh, gosh. And let me get rid of this part. Okay, I'll submit it. We water it down. People don't want water down. That's the problem. The problem is that we're trying to avoid problems. The problem is we're trying to avoid conflict, we're trying to avoid polarity, but it's polarity that creates what you want.
Problems that create the very opportunity for entrepreneurs do exist, if there were no problems, you would have the biggest problem of all because you wouldn't have a business because that's what we do solve problems for a living. So if there were no problems up out of the job, you'd be out of business. And that would be a whole nother problem. So all these things that we keep judging and resisting and calling dad and I don't want are actually gifts and opportunities. I want people to not agree with me. What a crazy thing. Because, and there's that quote, and I love is I don't know what the key to success is. But the key to fail here is trying to please everybody. When you're vanilla, you're boring. The biggest sin in marketing is to be boring. If you look at the people, you follow the people you look up to, they took a stance, they took a stand, they took a perspective and they're willing to fight tooth and nail for it. And they don't care that others disagree. They care about the people that are willing to get on board with their perspective and serve them. And that's, you know, that that polarity so I when I got that debt that catapulted to another level. And I know I didn't realize how much that was driving all of my behavior.
So chances are, it's driving yours listening much more than you even realize. It's like ruling our lives. So that was the big one that was the biggest of all.
Courtney Elmer 25:19
And isn't it interesting that it usually boils down to something that really is kind of simple. I mean, it's just a sentence. You know, if people don't like me, my business won't grow. For me, it was if I share my ideas, people will laugh at me, you know, same kind of thing.
James Wedmore 25:34
Same thing, exactly what people think of me matters more than what I think of myself. That's what anybody who's in any type of that limiting belief, that's what they're really thinking is that someone else's belief of me has more weight and value than my limiting beliefs of myself. And the truth is, it doesn't, the only reason it does is because your belief, you're so good at creating beliefs that you created that limiting belief to be true. So now it's true. That's what's feeding that belief is you and your belief about it. If someone got that right there, you're going to have a little like brain warp.
And you could have an opportunity to be like, free of all that. The only reason you think someone's beliefs, and opinions and judgments and criticisms of you are more important than your limiting beliefs yourself is because you have a belief that is, so the significance that they have over you is, is only there, because you've generated that, that belief that it is, you did that. That's how powerful your beliefs are. That's how powerful you are, I get that you're free. Right? We're free, because we're, we gave that power to somebody else. But we had the power to do that. We also had the power to get it back, which is pretty cool, too. So
Courtney Elmer 26:47
I feel like I want to play Twilight Zone music. And then like the theme from Rocky. And then also this, you know, we tend to adopt other people's limiting beliefs. And we operate by those. And so when we start to really unpack this and notice our beliefs and how they inform our behavior, totally, that's really when things convince your parents. So what did you trade that belief out for?
James Wedmore 27:22
I traded it out for I think the biggest thing I traded out for was a belief of why I'm here and the work I'm here to do. And it's just, you know, just to help people. And that's, that's just more important, you know, becoming a value shift is just what's more, what's more important, changing someone's life, helping them, just like you were able to change your own life, and that you have the opportunity to do that for someone else. What's more important that or someone's opinion of you? That's a no brainer for me.
And if I ever see myself go back to that. Just a quick question, well, what, why are you doing this? Are you doing this to get people to like you and have a good opinion of you. Because the truth is, you can do everything in the world to make people like you. And they can still choose to say that, you suck. no control over it. So we just given our entire life up to something we have no control over. And that is also of course, like what I mentioned earlier, just the funniest thing is, for most people, the harder you try to get people to like you the more they just don't like you. She tries too hard. I don't like her. It's tragic, but it's so true. And that's who I was, you know.
So, yeah, and I tell people all the time, it was like, Look, you know, and you've seen it, right? I said, I'm not going to be your cheerleader. I'm not, I'm not here to get you to like me, and you probably won't like me. I've told people if you're not cursing me under your breath, at least once I'm not doing my job, because you don't need to like me, for me to help you. We don't need to be friends. I don't need you to think I'm some super cool dude. You know, for me to help you. As long as you're willing to listen to something, you know, and I'm okay with that. I need to be liked. I need my wife to like me. And you my friends like me, I want my four year old nephew to like me. But when I stepped into the role of business, I don't need strangers on Instagram, to like me, for me to be doing the work that I'm here to do. And that frees me a lot. So, yeah.
Courtney Elmer 29:42
Awesome. I love that. Well, the final question I have for you. Given this whole conversation in this whole journey, we've been on to this question, What is your definition of success of James Wedmore?
James Wedmore 29:57
Yeah. For you. Yeah for me, so If I were to define success in the dictionary, it's getting what you want, with as little effort as possible. Remember I said that whole stickiness, the bumpiness, the high RPMs is getting to that destination or getting to that speed at the lowest RPM with the least amount of resistance. Yes, that's beautiful definition because it also you know, connotates that we make our own it's, it's, you're choosing the destination. If I say I'm in LA, and I want to go to New York, and I get get to New York via plane, that's pretty easy to get there. That's success. And someone else says, Well, I want to go to Dallas, great, then that's them going where they want to go. And that's their success. So because I went further doesn't mean I'm more success. It's going where you say you're going to go. Now we go into a whole tricky conversation, which we don't have time for today, where you begin to now wonder how much of when I say what do you want? What are your goals? Where do you want to end up are actually being held back by your current self limiting beliefs?
How much of what if I were to ask somebody right now? What are your goals for 2020? are answering that question, from the filter of what's realistic? What do I think I could do? And what's really possible based on where I've come from? Right? That's just more belief. But that's another question. for another time, are you creating a goal free from any beliefs of, you know, constraints of your past? Or what you think could happen? Or will happen or predicting what's going to happen? Or what happened last year? And then for me, where am I going and getting there? As effortlessly as possible? Hmm. You know, it's so weird, because, you know, to me, I'm doing every day, every day, every week, we have a match, where we track our students testimonials and their case studies, we track it every week, and how many come in and, and we share them.
And that's a huge indicator for our measurement of success. Are we making an impact? How much of an impact we're making? Who we helping, how are we helping them? And we're doing that? And, and so in a lot of ways, it's like, how do we balance that while continuing to find new ways to be excited or stimulated or challenged or learn and just like, enjoy life? You know, for me, it's, it's like, cool, we're doing this thing. And we're still doing it, we keep doing it. And there's like this weird balance between like being consistent with that. But like, always having like room to play and continue having fun in your business. As long as I'm doing that, like, I'm happy, and I'm enjoying it. Like if I wake up one day, and I'm like, why I'm not enjoying things. That's a really easy fix. For me, I was like, very easy for me to fix. But I think we have to bring back the emotional conversation into a definition of success is like, it's not just achieving an external result, but like, how does it make you feel? And me living on purpose and having that impact? And that feedback of that impact always feels amazing. But you know, we have other values, other things that are important, like, Am I always learning? Am I always growing? Am I always challenging myself? When those needs are met? I'm like a happy little camper. So as long answer again, sorry, Court.
Courtney Elmer 33:42
Everything that you've shared has been so valuable, and I hope that even if you just take one thing away, and implement it and start to think about it and start to marinate on it, and start to shift your perspective of how you've always seen things or always done things and recognize that that's really where things begin to change than we've done our job, as far as I'm concerned.
James Wedmore 34:09
Absolutely. And when you listen again, to this episode, you'll hear something you didn't hear. And you can apply that as well. Yes, always do that. I mean, everyone's always in a race to like, how to consume everything, how to read every book, or going to go to every course. And it's like, you could go something like that you need you could go through three or four times and pick something up new and different every time. Because we're just always filtering, distorting, deleting. What comes in can't receive it all. It's hard. Yeah. So yeah.
Courtney Elmer 34:41
And we receive it differently based on our current state. You have to do a whole 'nother episode on that. So good. James Wedmore, thank you so much for being here. It meant a lot that you were here and I know that I mean, you just gave us so much value. So I can't thank you enough for that. And I hope that those listening, you guys go take one piece away from this and just embrace it, let it integrate. You know, I'm not even going to say go take action on it, because that's not what it's about. It's about shifting who you're being and this is where it starts. So James Wedmore, thank you.
James Wedmore 35:20
Thank you, Courtney.
Courtney Elmer 35:21
Okay guys, that does it for today, my hope is that you enjoy these episodes as much as I enjoyed collabing with James to create them for you, this stuff is our jam.
And if you want to learn more about James Wedmore, check out the show notes where we've got links to everywhere you can connect with him online. And if this episode inspired you in some way, share it out, tag us @theeffortlesslife.co and @jameswedmore on Instagram.
All right, we'll see you back here next time on the Systems Made Simple™ podcast. Until then go live your EffortLESS Life®.